Praise through the Pain
Life just hit you with a major blow. Your heart hurts, your bank account is negative, you just buried a love one. It feels as if there is no coming back from this. It's hard to see anything other than your current circumstance.
#Ivebeenthere #Stillamhere. For some context my spouse officially walked out of our marriage in January of 2019. As dated, its been almost a year since she left. November 9th, 2019 marks a year since the separation. Back in January I literally felt as if my entire life was over. Little did I know it was just beginning. I tried using manipulation (at the time I thought were tactics) to win my wife back. I watched every YouTube video on how to fix your marriage, started watching every sermon from "Marriage Today". Nothing was working. Fast forward to today my wife is currently in a relationship and pregnant by someone else. How does my heart feel...? Better than what it did back in November of 2018.
One would think that my heart would be worse today knowing my situation, but it's not. I've found the not so secret sauce everyone knows about but doesn't want to try, Jesus. My God has been so faithful throughout this entire year, from the grace He gives on the days I want to throw in the towel to the life experiences He's gifted me throughout the year. I've lost 60lbs (no special diet just balance and exercise) since November, received 9 weeks of free counseling through Real Life church, travelled outside the country twice for the first time in 29 years, found community through church and recently quit my job and started a business. Its been a busy 2019 and all the while dealing with the heartbreak.
There have been many times I've wanted to say forget all of this, turn away from God and live a life as a worldly unbeliever. Instead I chose to trust God and put Him to the test. I did this not by questioning God (although there were many nights through my tears asking every where, why, and how in the book) I took my situation surrendered it to God, and PRAISED my way through it. When I would hear "Praise your way through it" I thought it meant it would take me to the other side of my current emotion or situation in that moment. Let me just tell you right now, it doesn't do that. At least not right away. When I would lift my hands with praise (and sometimes surrender) it would shift my focus. The focus would go from my current emotion and/or situation to remembering who ultimately is in control of the whole thing. That being Jesus. My savior, friend, counselor, and provider. God was indeed in control.
God had me going through the book of Job during the peak of my pain. As we know anything that happens in our life has to be ran by God. And because of this thought and belief I knew/know there is something great on the other side of this. So many beautiful things are happening in my relationship with God. I wouldn't change anything that has taken me to this point in life. Does my heart still hurt? Yes. Do I miss my wife? Yes. Do I wish God would move a little quicker? Yes. Am I happy? Yes. Is there joy in my heart? Yes.
I am grateful, thankful, transformed. There is a forever praise in my heart! It was just 7 months ago where I didn't even think I would make it through the night. If that's you right now, shift your focus! Believe me I know it's hard to praise the ONE who you know has the power to change your current situation but isn't. I KNOW! That's what will make your praise greater than! You're making a conscious decision that in the midst of this madness God is still good! God is still able! God is in control! God DOES love you! Jesus is with you in this very moment, catching every tear drop that rolls down your face. You got this! Praise Him through the pain.
I love you.